


I Will Follow You Into The Dark

by 2honeycomb_curls2



Category: South Park
Genre: Afterlife, Aged-Up Character(s), Alcoholic Stan Marsh, Alternate Universe - Limbo, Angst, Author Is Not Religious, Bittersweet Ending, Car Accidents, Character Death, Child Abuse, Confusion, Crying, Dark, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eric Cartman Being An Asshole, Everyone is Dead, Fluff and Angst, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, Homophobic Language, I Made Myself Cry, Immortal Kenny McCormick, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Mild Gore, Mystery, No Smut, POV Alternating, Religious Content, Some Humor, Somewhat, Strangers to Lovers, Suicide, Swearing, Tags May Change, Teamwork, Tenderness, anti-semitic language
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:55:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26263003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2honeycomb_curls2/pseuds/2honeycomb_curls2
Summary: Kenny dies all the time, it's nothing new. But this time, he doesn't wake up in his bed like usual. This time, he wakes up in a cold darkness with four other boys he's never met and no memory of the past day. The boys quickly come to the realization that something majorly fucked up has happened, and they're all somehow connected because of it. They must work together to find out what happened, before they're trapped in an endless limbo.
Relationships: Kenny McCormick/Leopold "Butters" Stotch, Kyle Broflovski/Stan Marsh, past Stan Marsh/Wendy Testaburger
Comments: 14
Kudos: 42





	1. Cold and Dark

**Author's Note:**

> Technically I have two other WIPs I'm supposed to be updating right now, but when inspiration strikes who am I to deny her? But first thing's first, I wanna get some things straight. If you aren't all that up for reading about death, this is NOT the fic for you. This is centered around death! Get out while you still can!
> 
> In addition to that, this contains sensitive material that may be triggering. Please check the tags before reading anything. I'm serious, check the tags, I'm begging.
> 
> And last but not least: this fic contains some material that could be viewed as religious. I'm agnostic but I was raised Christian, and while I'll try my best to make everything religion-involved brief and general, there are some things that aren't a part of a lot of religions. Religion is absolutely not a big part of this story, but If this upsets you, I totally get it, don't read on!
> 
> And on a similar note, there will be anti-semitic language and slurs, because Cartman is in this. So be aware of that.
> 
> I will try to update at least once a week, likely more but my schedule is wack so who knows. Without further ado, enjoy!!!

Cold.

That was the first thing that ran through Kenny's head when he woke up (was that what he did? He didn't remember ever going to sleep). He felt remarkably cold, but not actively cold, in the way that the frosty air nips at your nose and fingertips in winter. It wasn't that he was cold, so much as it was that he had an absence of warmth.

The second thing that ran through Kenny's mind was that it was dark. Darker than pitch black. He couldn't see anything in the inky blackness. It was so dark it was disorienting, and Kenny didn't know which way was front or back, left or right.

And finally, the third thing that ran through Kenny's mind was that he had no idea where he was. It was cold, and dark, and he was utterly alone. "H-hello?" He called into the void. "Hello? Can anyone hear me?"

He received no reply, and he began to panic, only his body didn't seem to be getting the memo. His mind was screaming, but his palms weren't sweaty, his breathing still even, and his heart not hammering away in his chest. It was as if his mind was all that was alive. "Hello!" He yelled again, louder this time.

"Who's there?" He heard a small voice reply, cutting through the dark. 

"Can you hear me?" Kenny called back, beginning to move in the direction he'd thought he heard the voice come from, but then again it was so dark he couldn't be sure. "I can't see anything! Where are you?"

"I-I'm over hear!" The voice calls, and it seems closer. Kenny began grasping at the air in front of him, listening for footsteps or something that could signify where the other person was. He felt the brush of fabric against his hand and it was so sudden he jumped, before grabbing for where he had felt it. His hand grabbed what felt like somebody's arm, and a shock snaked through his body. 

Suddenly, as if a switch was flicked, a soft white light began glowing between him and the person he was holding, seemingly coming from nowhere and just bright enough for him to make out the boy in front of him. He was short, with blonde hair that fell over his face and a faint scar over his right eye. He looked startled.

"Who the hell are you?" Kenny asked, letting go of the boy's arm. "And where are we?"

"Well, uh, I'm Butters." The boy said, rubbing his knuckles together anxiously. "And, I don't really know where we are. Uh, do you?"

"Why would I ask you if I knew?" Kenny said, and looked around, back at the darkness. He tried to find a source for the light in front of him, but it didn't seem to be coming from anywhere.

"Well, I don't really know what's happening." The boy, Butters, said, appearing to be suspiciously calm. "I just woke up here, but, to tell you the truth, I don't recall goin' to bed. The last thing I remember is coming home from school."

Kenny was about to remark that he also didn't remember sleeping, when he heard another voice slice through the nothingness that surrounded them. "Hey, what the fuck? Is anybody here? Can anyone hear me? Hellooo!"

"Over here!" Kenny called, taking Butters' wrist and tugging him in the direction of the new voice. The light seems to be following them, but Kenny didn't have time to worry about that at the moment. The light illuminated their surroundings, but it really wasn't much use, considering there seemed to be nothing around them. Only the dark.

"Where?" The voice shouted again, and then suddenly a hand grasped Kenny's shoulder sending another shock through his body. The light grew brighter, enough to illuminate the redhead now grasping Kenny. He looked at the light shocked, pulling his hand away from Kenny. "What the fuck is that?"

"I don't know. I have no idea what's going on. Do you know where we are?"

"No." The redhead furrowed his brows. "I just woke up here. What's going on? Who are you people."

"Well, I'm Butters." Butters chirped, seeming genuinely pleased despite their odd predicament. "And this is... what did you say your name was again?"

"Kenny." He was so confused at this point. Why did they all wake up here? Where even was here? Who were these people?

"Wait, you two don't even know each other?" The redhead shouted. "Seriously, what the hell is going on!"

"Oh my fucking God!" Another voice boomed from somewhere in the dark, causing all three boys to jump. "Oh my God where the fuck am I! Mom! Hello? Anyone?"

"Hey!" The redhead shouted out at the voice. "Hey! Over here! Do you have any idea what's going on?"

A large hand grasped the redhead's shoulder with so much force he was pulled back, and the white light got even brighter. A chubby brunette was now standing with them, looking just as confused as Kenny felt. "Who the hell are you guys?"

"I'm Kyle. This is Kenny, and that's Butters. Do you have any idea where the fuck we are?"

The brunette only snorted, clearly not phased by the disembodied light or surrounding darkness. "What kind of name is Butters?"

"W-well, it's a nickname. My full name's Leopold." Butters explained. "But everyone calls me Butters, since I was a little kid. Even my parents."

"Hey, can you guys hear me?" Yet another voice called out, and Kenny bit down on the urge to groan. How many people were wherever this was? Had they all just woken up here? A fumbling sound is heard, followed by two startled shouts, and Kenny turned to see Kyle on the ground, with a raven-haired boy strewn across him, and the light steadily grew even brighter until Kyle could make out each and every single person around him in detail, with still no sense of what lay beyond in the darkness. 

"Dude. Get off me." Kyle groaned, and the boy rushed to stand up. 

"Right. Sorry, for uh, bumping into you. Quick question. Who are you people, and where the fuck am I?"

"If I have to introduce myself one more time after this, I'm going to seriously lose my mind." Kenny grunts before pointing at himself. "I'm Kenny. That's Leopold, but everyone calls him Butters for some reason. That's Kyle, and I still don't know who this dude is."

"Eric Cartman." The brunette sneered.

"Right, sure, Cartman here. And for the record, none of us have any idea what's going on, so who are you and do you know what's happening?"

"Um. I'm Stan. And I literally just woke up here. I have no clue what's going on. Where are we?"

"What part of none of us having any idea what's going on do you not understand?" Kenny deadpanned.

"Where's that stupid light coming from?" Cartman asked, seemingly just now noticing it.

Kyle sighed. "Did Kenny not just say nobody knows anything?"

"Shut up, fag."

"Oh, jeez." Butters said, once again rubbing his knuckles together. "Well, that wasn't very nice."

"Shouldn't we be trying to figure out where we are?" Stan asked, looking on edge. "Jesus, I don't even... the last thing I remember is doing my homework in my room, and now I'm here? And seriously, what's with the light."

"Is anyone else cold?" Kyle asked suddenly, although he looked perfectly fine. "I feel kinda cold, like in my core."

Cartman snickered. "What the hell does that mean? In your core? That sounds gay as fuck."

"Dude!" Kenny shouted. "Stop trying to be funny. We're trying to figure out what's going on."

"Hey, fellas?" Butters said, almost tentatively. Everyone turned to look at him. "Does anyone else feel kinda weird?"

"Yes, Butters, we all feel weird." Cartman said, as if it was the stupidest thing ever. "Of course we feel weird. We're all standing around in the stupid dark with this stupid ginger."

"Hey!"

"No, you guys." Stan said suddenly. "Wait. I actually do feel kinda weird. Kinda like my body isn't working."

"What do you mean?" Kenny asked. His body seemed to be working just fine. "You can move all your legs and stuff, right? So, it's working."

"Yeah, but it just... I don't know how to describe it but it feels like it's just sort of shut down. Like everything has stopped working except my brain. It's like I'm in control of my body but I'm sort of, detached from it. You know?"

Kyle nodded. "I mean that made absolutely no sense but yeah, I know exactly what you're talking about. It's like I'm a little freaked out right now, so usually my heart would be hammering in my chest, but right now it's not." 

"Yeah, I'm getting that too." Kenny agreed. "Maybe it's just this place. It's creepy. I don't like it here."

"B-but, where is 'here', Kenny?" Butters asked timidly. Kenny felt as if he had been sucker punched. He looked around at all the unfamiliar faces, and nobody had an answer. They were all lost in the cold and the dark, with only the faint glowing light to comfort them. None of them knew each other, or how they had ended up there, or why they couldn't remember.

And Kenny thought to himself, with a sinking feeling in his still chest, that this was worse than the feeling of waking up in bed after his latest death.

"Hey, do you guys see that?" Stan's voice pulled Kenny from his minor bout of despair. "There's a light over there."

Everyone turned to where Stan was pointing. Harsh against the dark, there was a small rectangle of bright light in the distance, almost like a door. Kenny didn't know why, but it made him feel uneasy. He turned and made eye contact with Butters, who looked just as put-off by it. 

"Well." Kenny said after a beat. "Looks like we got ourselves some exploring to do."

He started towards the light, followed momentarily by the rest of the boys. It was almost blinding by the time he reached it, shielding his eyes as he stepped carefully into the overwhelming shine, and out of the cold dark.


	2. No Tunnels To Gates Of White

Kyle didn't know what to expect when he stepped through the shining white light, but he definitely didn't expect to step out onto a desolate sidewalk on a sunny afternoon. "Uh, you guys? This is fucking weird."

"You can say that again." The blonde who goes by Kenny said, turning around. "Just got weirder. The light is gone."

"Ok, well where the fuck are we now?" Stan asked, folding his arms over his chest. "I don't recognize this place."

"This is seriously starting to freak me out." Kyle said, although it was probably a lie, considering he'd been freaked out since the moment he found himself in the pitch dark. Now that he thought about it, he felt just as cold in the sunshine as he did in the blackness. "I mean, how did we get here? Where are we? Jesus, what fucking country are we in?"

"Oh, jeez. Well, I hope we're not too far from where I live. If I don't get home on time, I'll get grounded." Butters rambled. That set Cartman off.

"Butters, you getting grounded is the least of our worries right now. We have no idea where we are, or even what time it is-"

"Don't be such a dick, dude." Kenny interjected. "He's just a little freaked right now. We all are. Hey, wait. Now that I think about it, what time IS it? Does anyone have a watch or phone or something?"

Kyle shook his head. "First thing I did when I came to was check for my phone. Didn't have it one me. Did any of you guys?"

Everyone collectively checked themselves for their phones, but nothing came of it. Kenny was just starting to talk again when Kyle looked around, realization slowly dawning on him. "Wait a minute. I know this street." He said, taking off down the sidewalk, and everyone rushed to follow after him.

"What do you mean you know this street?" Stan asked, falling into step beside him.

"It's close to my house."

"Your house? Ok, and where do you live, exactly."

"Vineland. You know, New Jersey."

"Jersey?!" Everyone exclaimed in unison, and Kyle halted so suddenly that Kenny ran into him,before whipping around to look at everyone.

"You mean to tell me that you guys aren't from Jersey?"

"I'm from fucking Colorado!" Stan exclaimed, bewilderment evident on his features.

"Well, then, how the fuck did you end up in Jersey!" Kyle shouted back. 

"Oh, Jesus Christ. Of all the places this stupid little ginger could have been from, of course it had to be fucking New Jersey!" Cartman complained, and Kyle's eye twitched.

"Well where the hell are you from, then, asshole?"

"Oregon."

"You guys!" Kenny shouted, capturing everyone's attention. "It doesn't fucking matter where we're from. Right now we just need to get back there. And actually, we need to figure out how we all ended up in a dark room in Jersey."

"Is that what that was? A room? It didn't feel like a room." Kyle commented, moving to peel down the sidewalk again with the rest of the boys at his heels.

"Yeah, it just felt dark." Butters added. He was rubbing his knuckles together, which Kyle noticed he seemed to be doing a lot, and figured that it was a nervous habit. Kyle had a few of his own, and was currently fighting down the urge to tug at his awful red curls.

"That's my house!" Kyle stated, feeling relief consume him as he pointed at the modest two-story home in the distance, white picket fence and all. "When we get inside, you guys can call your parents or something. God, I wonder if my mom is worried."

As Kyle walked up the steps to his front door, steps he'd used a thousand times, he felt an unfamiliar feeling of despair buried deep in his belly, and he had no idea why. He opened the door, letting everyone step in before closing it behind him and shouting "Mom! Dad! I'm home!"

There was no response. "Hello? Mom? Is anyone home? Something really weird is happening." He started for the stairs, the miserable feeling in his gut intensifying. He reached the top of the stairs before stopping suddenly. Was that... crying? Coming from his parents' room? Sheila Broflovski was a lot of things, but she was never a crier, and the thought sent Kyle running towards the bedroom. 

Mom!" He yelled, flying through the open door and seeing his mom laying in bed, shaking with sobs. She was curled in on herself, her usually neat hair now messy beyond belief. "Mom! What's wrong?"

Kyle was quick to try and comfort his mother, sitting on the edge of her bed and rubbing her shoulder. "Hey, Mom. It's ok. It's ok, I'm here. What's going on? Where's Dad?"

"Mom." Kyle heard another voice pipe up behind him, and Kyle turned to see Ike standing in front of him, the rest of the boys still hovering in his mother's doorway. 

"Ike, what's going on?" Kyle asked, but he was swiftly ignored, Ike taking a seat next to him, so close that he could make out the tear stains on his brother's blotchy face. Had Ike been crying, too? 

"Mom." Ike said said again, reaching out and placing a hand on Sheila's shoulder, just where Kyle's had been. This time, however, she melted into the touch, turning to look at Ike.

"My baby." Sheila choked out, still crying heavily. "My baby. Oh, God."

Ike was crying now, too. "I know, Mom. I know."

"You guys, what's wrong?" Kyle was shouting now, thoroughly confused. Why weren't they answering him? Why was his mom crying? He began tugging at his hair. "You guys, somebody just tell me what's wrong! Please!"

"Kyle!" Kyle snapped his hand around to find the source of the voice. Stan was standing closer to him than he had been before. "Kyle, I don't think they can hear you."

"But that's ridiculous. Why couldn't they hear me? I'm right here! What is going on?" He jumped up, whirling around to yell at his still sobbing mother. "I know you can hear me! Fucking answer me. Answer me!"

"Kyle." Stan said, more firmly this time, placing a hand on his shoulder that radiated warmth despite the cold that still consumed him. "They can't hear you. I don't think they can see you either."

"Why not?" Kyle shrieked, turning to search Stan's bright blue eyes. "You guys can see me! Why can't they? Is this some kind of joke?"

"Maybe this has something to do with the darkness." Kenny said. "Maybe... oh god, maybe this is some kind of out of body experience."

"I don't care what's making this happen! I just want them to fucking look at me!" Kyle is on the verge of hysterics now. "This isn't some bad movie, Kenny. This isn't an out of body experience. God, I'm just.." He felt like screaming, or crying, or punching something, or maybe even-

"I miss him." His mother said then, voice watery. "I miss my baby."

"I miss him, too." Ike said, and Kyle felt every ounce of fight drain from him. Miss him. Him. Kyle. But he was right there. He was right fucking there, right in front of them. Slowly, he looked away, looking back into Stan's wild eyes. 

"Oh my God." He whispered. "Am I... am I fucking dead?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized halfway through writing this that it's like a little similar to the episode where Cartman thinks he's dead lmao, but I promise it's not based on that. I pinky promise.


	3. Weeping Is Not The Same As Crying

"You're being fucking ridiculous! You aren't dead, asshole! That doesn't even make sense."

Everyone was now gathered in the hallway, where Kyle's mother could still be heard sobbing. Stan kept getting nervous that she was going to hear them shouting at each other, before remembering that apparently she couldn't even hear them at all. He felt sick.

Kyle was sitting against the wall miserably, knees tucked against his chest. "If I'm not dead than why can't she fucking hear me! Huh? What, do you think this is all some kind of sick joke?"

Cartman huffed. "Ok, genius. Well, if you're dead, then maybe you want to explain why we can all see you perfectly fine.

"I don't know! I don't fucking know, ok! Maybe you guys are all dead, too!"

"We're not fucking dead!" Kenny shouted, attempting to regain control of the situation. "None of us are dead. Something weird is going on, for sure, but I for one, know I'm not dead. I don't die."

Stan realized it was an inappropriate situation to be laughing in. Kyle was still sitting weakly on the ground, and Butters was swaying in place with his arms wrapped around himself. But Stan was always prone to nervous laughter, and the phrase had just sent him into a fit of it. 'I don't die.' What the fuck did that even mean? Everyone turned to look at him as a laugh bubbled past his lips, spilling into the air around him and mingling with the cries of emotional pain still echoing from the bedroom.

"What the fuck are you laughing about?" Cartman seethed, and Stan tried to open his mouth to reply, only to start laughing even louder, until his back hurt and tears were leaking from his eyes as the boys watched on in a mixture of confusion and annoyance. 

"Stop laughing, asshole." Kyle had hopped up from the ground, now standing right in front of Stan with a pointed finger in his face. "Stop fucking laughing! Nothing about this is funny!"

"F-fuck!" Stan managed to spit out between shrieks of laughter. He managed to calm himself, small bouts of giggling still breaking out every couple seconds. "Oh my God, it's- it's not funny. I'm just fucking terrified."

Everyone stood uneasily, quiet encompassing them. Even Kyle's mom had quit crying. Stan shifted on his feet, all sense of laughter gone, now replaced with intense discomfort. Kenny was the first to speak again. "Oh, shit. Guys? Do you see that?"

They turned to the stairs where Kenny was pointing, Stan feeling sucker punched at the sight of a faint glowing light coming from somewhere at the bottom of the the stairs. He gulped. "Do you think it's another weird door thing?"

"Fuck no." Kyle said, and it sounded louder than it was, his voice straining. "I'm not going through another one of those things to entertain whatever holy entity thought it would be hilarious to mess with us!"

Kenny looked at him warily. "I think we have to."

"W-well, I'm on Kyle's side here." Butters objected. "I don't really wanna go through, either. What if it's my house next? Well, I don't wanna see my mom cry. 'Specially if we're dead."

"Butters. We're not dead." Stan wasn't sure if he was trying to convince Butters or himself. The blonde only shook his head.

"You can't make me."

"Oh, I'll fucking make you, alright." Cartman growled, and Butters shrunk in on himself as Kenny reached over to slap Cartman's arm. "Ow! What was that for?"

"For being an asshole!"

As they bickered, Stan quietly edged toward the stairs. He stepped down slowly, stopping halfway down the stairs when the bright rectangle of white came into view, illuminating the living room that it sat smack in the middle of. He felt somebody come stand beside him.

"Do you really wanna go through there again?" Kyle asked softly. Stan was freezing, and he was sure Kyle was too, but they felt warm beside each other.

"It's not really that I want to." Stan explained. "I feel like I have to. Like... something is pulling me in."

"Dude."

They stood on the stairs together silently for another moment, staring at the light. It was strangely comforting, despite the sheer terror that ran through Stan's body at the mere sight of it. Something in his brain was screaming for him to get as far away from it as humanly possible, something in his gut begging him to cross through. He almost jumped out of his skin when he felt a hand clasp his shoulder, turning to see Kenny looking at him with clearly false confidence, Butters not too far behind, either. 

"Are we gonna go through?" Kenny asked tersely. Stan looked at Kyle, who nodded, avoiding his eye.

"Yeah. We're gonna go."

Kenny nodded in confirmation, turning to holler "Cartman! We're going through the weird portal door thing! Get your ass over here!"

"Did Kyle finally stop being a little bitch about it?" Cartman sneered as he bounded over to join them on the stairs, where they all still stood, waiting for somebody to make the first move.

Eventually, that somebody proved to be Stan, who slowly inched the rest of the way down the stairs, followed closely by Kenny, and by association, by Butters, who followed Kenny around like a lost puppy. Cartman was right behind them, Kyle keeping distance from the group. Stan stopped right in front of the light, taking a deep breath, before stepping through and coming out on the other side.

He looked around at the pews filled with people, and the colorful stained glass. They were in a church, the same one Stan had been to as a child, for Easters and Christmases before he turned thirteen and decided he really didn't care all that much for religion. He'd told his mother some bullshit about not believing in some cult-like religion, but really it had been right around the time he'd started questioning his sexuality, right around the time he'd started feeling uncomfortable in the building. Now, he was standing there for the first time since he was a preteen, unseeable, with four guys he'd just met in tow. And there was a casket on the altar. 

He was at a funeral.

"Shit." Kyle breathed, voicing everyone's thoughts.

"You're not supposed to curse in church." Kenny whispered, though he was shaking a bit as he stared down the long walk to the casket. Kyle just shrugged.

"It's ok, I'm Jewish."

"I knew it!" Cartman shouted suddenly, unheard by the mourning guests. "I knew you were a filthy rotten Jew!"

Kyle rounded on him. "You stupid piece of shit! If I hear you belittle my religion again I'll-"

"You'll what?"

Kyle swung at Cartman with so much force he was knocked to the ground, Kyle not wasting a second before jumping at him like a rabid animal. Kenny and Butters tried to wrench them apart, pulling back the two boys who were desperately trying to maul each other.

Stan wasn't paying attention to the fight. Wasn't paying attention to the pews full of people, some crying, all looking upset to some degree. He didn't look at their faces, he didn't look at anything but the wooden casket as he walked delicately down towards the altar. His steps felt airy, not in a carefree way, more in the sense of an altered reality. He almost felt like a magnet was pulling him closer, closer still.

As he carefully stepped up to the casket, he knew what he was going to see, knew exactly who was going to be lying there. He felt it in his bones. That didn't stop the sea of emotions that crashed over him at the sight of pale skin and black hair lifelessly on display. A scream ripped from his throat, and he couldn't stop screaming, almost like he physically couldn't close his mouth. 

He backed away slowly, forgetting there were steps behind him and falling down them, landing on his ass. He felt somebody hug him from behind and screeched louder, choking on his words. "It's me! It's me! Oh, God! You were right! I'm dead! I'm fucking dead! It's me!"

Kenny was now standing at the altar, gaping in horror at Stan's lifeless body. Stan, who was sitting right in the middle of a church, making miserable sounds halfway between shrieks and dry sobs. He was dead. Stan was at his own fucking funeral.

"It's me!"


	4. Watching People Mourn Us Is Our New Hobby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dunno why but the note I put at the end of the first chapter is appearing at the end of every chapter??? So just ignore that.

The funeral had ended long ago and Stan was still sitting on the floor, being cradled like a child by Kyle, who seemed to think nobody would notice him crying if he hid his face in Stan's hair. Butters noticed. He noticed a lot, he'd always been a people watcher.

He'd noticed the way Cartman talked a lot more when he was nervous, cracking at least five jokes about Kyle being Jewish as the funeral ended and everyone left, the pallbearers holding Stan's casket walking right through them like they were ghosts in some horror movie Butters wouldn't have been allowed to watch.

Butters had also noticed that Kenny looked more confused than anything. That was strange, but then again, maybe not. He barely knew anything about Kenny. He'd only met him after he died, after all. Because that's what had to have happened. He died. There was no way Stan and Kyle were the only dead ones. They were all gone. The only question was how it had happened, and why they were here, instead of the heaven his father always talked about.

Everyone was quiet, aside from the periodic sounds of distress that Stan was making. Butters felt terribly bad for him. It couldn't have been easy to have to look at his own corpse. He shivered at the thought. Or maybe that was just because he was so cold, despite the blue sweater he was wearing. 

"How did this happen?" Stan said finally, the first full words he had formed since his screaming fit earlier. "How did I die? I don't remember dying. I think I'd remember that."

"I don't remember either." Kyle chimed in. His voice was muffled, his face still buried in Stan's hair. 

"Gee, fellas. W-well, maybe we all died the same way. Or, or at the same time, or something. And that's why we're all here together. Because we're connected."

"Butters." Cartman said, almost sighed his name. "That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. How could we possibly all be connected? We don't even know each other, or live in the same state, or anything."

"We don't live at all, let alone in the same state." Stan said emptily. Cartman scoffed.

"Whatever, emo."

"I think the universe is fucking with us." Kenny said, throwing a small glance at Butters. "I mean, maybe you're all dead, but I can't be."

"Oh, and why's that? You too good to die?" Kyle sneered from his spot on the ground. He had finally looked up, eyes puffy and cheeks still wet with tears.

Kenny looked down. "There's just no way I'm dead, ok? So, maybe the universe is fucking us up."

"The universe doesn't care enough about a bunch of stupid dead teenage boys to play this elaborate of a trick." Stan said.

Suddenly there was a loud banging sound, which made Butters shriek and grab for the closest person, who just so happened to be Kenny. He squeezed his arm as he turned toward the source of the sound. A door near the back of the church was now standing wide open, and Butters could make out a faint white glow coming from inside again.

"Not this again." Kyle whined, still holding onto Stan, possibly even tighter now. "Jesus. Do we have to go through? Can't we just stay here and live in Stan's Colorado hick town as ghosts?"

"It's not a hick town." Stan argued halfheartedly. Kyle shrugged dismissively.

"Everywhere in Colorado is a hick town."

"Come on, guys. We need to go through." Kenny said quietly. He sounded unsure, but it was enough to get Kyle to stand up from the ground, weakly pulling Stan up with him. It was only when Kyle had helped to steady Stan that Butter realized he was still clutching Kenny. He pulled his hand away as if it had been burned, Kenny giving him an odd look before leading the way to the light.

The brightness took up the entirety of the doorway, making it seem more like an actual door then ever. Kenny was the first to stop through, taking a deep breath before disappearing into the light. Cartman was next, and then Kyle, who pulled Stan in with him. Butters was the last to walk through, coming out in his very own bedroom.

He opened his mouth to speak, but never got the chance, because there was shouting. Loud, hurtful words being hurled back and forth. There was a crash, and then a woman's voice screaming for someone to not touch her with their filthy hands.

"T-those are my parents." Butters said fearfully, turning to look at the rest of the boys. "This is my room. My house. Well, I don't think I wanna be here. I don't wanna see that."

"Butters." Kyle said softly, like he was addressing a small child. He had a paternal feeling about him that Butters had taken notice of since they'd first met, and it seemed to be calming his nerves. "Butters, it's gonna be ok."

There was another crash downstairs, more shouting, and without thinking Butters made a dash for the stairs, racing towards the living room. Oh God, he hoped everyone was ok.

The living room was in utter utter chaos. The coffee table was laying on it's side, broken glass strewn across various places on the carpet and the walls now bare, all the pictures that used to be hanging on them now face down on the ground. Linda and Stephen Stotch were at the center of it all, screaming like banshees.

"He's gone!" Linda screamed. Her short blonde hair was wild and her mascara was smeared across her face. She was waving an accusing finger in her husband's face. "He's gone and it's all your fault!"

"Linda, please! You know that's not true. I was just trying to protect him."

"But you didn't! You didn't protect him and now he's de-" She was cut off by a violent sob, placing a hand over her eyes. Butters watched as his father reached out to comfort her, but she instantly recoiled. "Don't you touch me! Don't touch me ever again!"

Butters barely even registered the arms wrapping comfortingly around his shoulders as his father shook with anger. "This isn't my fault! If anything, it's yours. You've never wanted him around, and you made sure he knew it. You're the one who tried to kill him when he was a child, for Christ's sake!"

"I should have tried to kill you, you filthy bastard!" She screeched, before crumbling to her knees and wailing. She didn't object this time when he knelt beside her and wrapped her in a consoling embrace.

"Butters." He heard a distant voice say, in Kenny's voice. "Butters, come on. Let's go back to your room. You shouldn't have to see this. We'll just wait it out. Come on."

He felt himself being tugged back up the stairs, back up to his bedroom, where everyone else was still waiting. He could still hear his mother's sobbing, each cry paining him more than words could describe. He looked straight at Stan and Kyle, understanding the misery etched into their faces. It was one thing to know you're dead, it was another thing entirely to really realize it.

He heard the door close behind him, his mother becoming muted in the background. "Butters? You ok?" Kenny asked.

Butters turned around, collapsing into Kenny's arms. "I'm ok." He whispered. "I'm just fine. I'm gonna be just fine."

Maybe, he thought, if he told himself he would be enough, he really would be alright. Just maybe.


	5. Ding Dong The Bitch Is Dead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I been away for a hot minute. I do be having writer's block, tho. So that's fun. I promise I'm not abandoning this story though, please bare with me.

"Oh, you have got to be fucking kidding me! Another one of those god damn portals?" 

They'd been at Butters' house longer than any other place, holed up in his room and listening to his parents screech at each other. It was all terribly melodramatic, Cartman thought. He'd wanted so desperately to leave the tense silence that had settled over the five of them, but felt more like sobbing pathetically than anything when another white glow encompassed the bedroom. 

Kyle was running his hand over his face. "Great. Who's it gonna be this time? Kenny or Cartman? God, I fucking hope it's Cartman."

"Ey!" Cartman shouted, quick to come to his own defense. "What have I ever done to you, you stupid Jewrat?"

"First of all called me a Jewrat on multiple occasions!" Kyle shouted, hands on his hips like an overworked single mother. Cartman snorted at the thought, which only infuriated Kyle more. "Stop fucking laughing, fatass!"

"I'm not fat! I'm big boned!"

"Sure." Stan muttered, rolling his eyes.

"Oh, of course, you defend your little girlfriend over there! Kenny! Butters! Are you just gonna do something about these assholes calling me fat or are you gonna sit there like a bunch of human vaginas and let them keep fat shaming me!"

"Well, it does seem a little mean to pick on him because of his weight. After all, he can't help it." Butters said sweetly. It actually kind of disgusted Cartman how genuinely sweet Butters was. He'd expected it to be some kind of act that he would have dropped by now, but he was still keeping it up. 

"Dude, let's just go." Kenny said, motioning towards the... door? Portal? Door-Portal? Nobody had really decided on a name for it yet. Either way, Kenny was looking at it hesitantly. "I mean, if I'm next, I kinda wanna get it over with, ya know?"

"Move aside, ladies." Cartman shoved Kyle away from the glow, who made an unintelligible sound of complaint, and stepped through the light.

It always felt a little weird stepping through, not painful or anything, just weird, almost like being squeezed. The minute he came out on the other side, he was surrounded by teenagers bustling by, in what was clearly a high school hallway, an alarmingly familiar one. Haha. Fuck.

"You guys." He gasped out, turning to look at everyone. "This is my skewl. Oh my God, you guys. It's my turn to watch people cry about how sad they are that I'm dead. This is gonna be so awesome. I bet so many people are sad."

"Doubt it." Kyle said casually, looking around him at all the people that walked by. "Um, where are we supposed to go from here?"

"Probably my locker. They probably put a bunch of memorial shit there, like in the movies. There are probably sooo many contributions. People miss me a lot, I bet, since I'm so cool."

He started down the hallway, in the direction of his locker. Students didn't bother trying to scoot around him like usual, instead just walking through him, which still very much freaked him out. It was one thing to see it as special effects in some not-scary horror movie, it was another thing entirely to have it happen. Strangely enough, it didn't really feel like anything at all, though he'd expected it to. More like a cold draft, which really didn't help the endless lack of warmth his body had adopted.

He stopped in front of his locker, which was completely bare, a shocking sight for sure. He had expected at least some flowers. Maybe they just hadn't put them up yet? "That's weird. Nothing yet, you guys. Oh, hey look! It's my friend, Craig over there. Let's go eavesdrop."

"Cartman, don't you think it's a little unethical to invade on their personal conversations when it really brings us no closer to finding out why we're here?"

"Pfft, don't be such a buzzkill, Kahl. Anyway, he's probably talking to his boyfriend about how sad he is that I'm dead." Cartman replied, already making his way towards the brunette, who was talking with Token and Tweek.

"No, I'm telling you, that teacher has it out for me." Craig was saying in his notoriously monotone voice. "He failed me for penmanship. Fucking penmanship. It's ridiculous."

"Well maybe he'd have better penmanship if he wasn't so limp wristed." Cartman said to nobody in particular, laughing at his own joke. Nobody answered, whether they could hear him or not. 

"Aw, jeez. I hope he doesn't try to fail me, too."

"Why would he try that?" Token asked Tweek, who was trembling, but that was nothing new.

"For associating with Craig! Gah! Or maybe he's failing him because he's homophobic! Then he's definitely gonna fail me too! Oh, God."

"Both of you are so dramatic." Token said, rolling his eyes. He paused for a moment before speaking again. "Hey, have any of you seen Cartman today? He wasn't harassing me outside of the front doors like usual."

"Oh, shit. You guys didn't hear?" Craig said. "He, like, fucking died."

Cartman felt (despite his efforts not to care) as though he had been stabbed when Token snorted at that. "Like hell he did. probably just trying to pull another prank on the school."

"No, dude. I can't believe you didn't hear. It was like, on the news and shit. His mom was crying."

"You're one-hundred percent sure this isn't just some elaborate joke he's playing?" Token said, looking like he didn't believe Craig even a little bit.

"Yeah. Jimmy told me yesterday."

"Shit." For a second it looked like things were turning around and they were actually going to start being sad like Cartman fucking expected, but instead Token only shrugged. "Brutal. But I mean, what can ya do? It is a shame, though."

"Not really. Remember when he started that rumor that I gave Tweek syphilis last year? He was a fucking asshole."

"Craig!" Tweek said anxiously. "Don't say that! He's dead!"

"So what? Dying doesn't make you a good person. He was a dick. I'll bet you fifty bucks nobody but Liane and his relatives go to the funeral. And maybe Jimmy and Clyde. They're people pleasers." 

"I'll bet on that." Token said, and the bell rang. Craig slammed his locker shut and they started to make their way to their classes, leaving a gaping Cartman to stand alone in the empty hallway with the fucking dead boy's society or whatever the fuck. He turned to the group, who were all looking at him as if they expected some kind of reaction. 

"Motherfuckers!" Cartman shouted, so suddenly that Stan flinched. "That's so not fucking fair! How come Kyle gets to have people be sad that his fucking Jew ass is dead but none of my friends care! This is ridiculous! I deserve to be mourned!"

Kyle looked apologetic. "Cartman, that sucks. I'm sorry."

"Well, you can take your sorry and shove it up your ass, Kahl! I don't need some dead Jew's pity!"

Kyle only sighed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suck at writing Cartman. It's because I Do Not Like Him As A Character Or Person And Find It Hard Trying To Give Him Actual Reasonable Human Emotions. But I'm doing my best.


	6. Guess I'm Less Immortal Than I Thought

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will literally piss myself if I take this long to update again, I am so sorry, my dudes.

"Kinny, where the hell are we?" Cartman asked for what felt like the thousandth time since they started walking. It was seriously starting to get on Kenny's nerves. Usually he was more laid-back, but then again this wasn't a usual situation. Most people didn't end up trekking through the woods with a bunch of dead kids.

"I already told you, Cartman, I don't know. Stop asking." He really didn't know. They were in the middle of the woods for some reason. Since Kenny was the only one who hadn't watched a bunch of people cry over him yet (or not cry in Cartman's case), he thinks it's safe to say that this has something to do with him. But what? He has no idea where they are, and anyway, it's unlikely he's actually dead, although he has a creeping suspicion that might not be completely true.

Kenny notices Butters following at the back of the group, glancing around warily, and he falls back so that he can walk beside him. "Hey, man. How you holding up?"

"Oh, w-well, I'm alright, Kenny. Thank you for asking." He smiles sweetly at Kenny, which makes him a little melty inside. Only a little. Still, he'd probably feel his cheeks heating up if he wasn't so damn cold. 

"You sure?" He doesn't want to push the subject, but he wants to be sure Butters is ok, too. "That thing at your house was pretty intense. I mean, are they always like that, or just cause you're... you know."

"Well, they do fight sometimes. Mostly, if my dad gets angry it's with me, because I can't do a lot of the things he wants me to do. He says I need to learn, and he's right."

Kenny nods. "And your mom, when she said that your dad was the reason you're dead now? What was that all about?"

"I-I'm not really sure. I wish I knew how I died, then maybe I could figure it out. Or maybe Mom was just angry. She says stuff like that about my dad when she gets angry sometimes, like when I was younger and she found out he was doin' intimate things with men. B-but they always work it out, so I'm not too worried."

"Jesus, dude." Kenny breathes, suddenly uneasy in the conversation. "That sounds like a lot."

"But they're my parents." Butters said cheerily. "W-well, they're a little much sometimes, but I love them. I dunno what I'd do without them."

Kenny doesn't push the conversation any further, only walks silently beside Butters, listening to the leaves crunching under their feet. He looks around at the others. Cartman is walking at the front of the group, mumbling something about his feet. Although, Kenny thinks it's all for show. They've all been walking for what feels like hours and Kenny isn't even a little worn out. It's odd, to put it bluntly.

Stan and Kyle aren't walking close to each other, per say. But they keep gravitating towards each other, moving in the same direction at the same time almost mindlessly, as if there's a magnet pulling them together. It's kind of gay, Kenny muses to himself happily. But also really sweet. He hopes they don't actually fall too hard for each other, though. The whole death and limbo thing is kind of an unstable place for a relationship. He pushes down how that thought makes him sneak a glance at Butters.

"Hey, I see something." Cartman shouts, or more likely says, but his voice carries so it's really just the same thing. He points into the distance, and when Kenny catches up he can see a small building. 

"Weird. I don't know that place. You guys?" Kenny asks, looking over his shoulder at all the boys, who mutter out their respective 'no's. Kenny sighs. "Well, guess we're gonna have to go in. Jesus Christ, this is kinda creepy."

"Dude, don't say that. I'm trying not to think about how creepy it is." Kyle says, wrapping his arms around himself. "I mean, it's not exactly where we are that's creepy, but then again it kind of is. I mean, I never liked the woods, and this certainly isn't heaven."

"I thought Jews didn't believe in Heaven." Cartman says snottily. 

Kyle looks like he wants to punch him. "There's not really a definitive belief on Jewish afterlife. But I'm dead, and I'm kinda alive, I guess, so... guess there is."

They reach the building in significantly less time than Kenny thought they would. It had seemed further away when they'd seen it, but it might just be Kenny's mind playing tricks on him.

The building is a sterile white, which contrasts the peeling red paint on the wooden door. Kenny can't see any windows, which he finds odd, but maybe they're just in the back of the building. He wonders momentarily if he should knock, before deciding to skip it altogether and just open the door and walk through. After all, it's not like anyone can see them. 

When he walks into the building it doesn't look how he expected it to. In fact, if anything it just looks a lot like a hospital room. There's even a bed set up on the far side of the room, somebody propped up under the cheap blankets, hooked up to a bunch of beeping machines. 

"Wait a minute." Kenny says, edging closer to the bed, and looking at the sleeping face, recognizable, if not just a little sunken in. "This is me. I'm... but I'm alive."

Kenny hears footsteps behind him, and turns to see his younger sister walking into the room, through the same door that they'd come in through, although now it lead to a busy hallway instead of the endless woods.

Karen sinks into the chair beside Kenny's bed, and he absolutely feels like he's going insane as she leans towards his sleeping body a little. "Hey, Ken. I'm back. Sorry, it's been a little while but... well, you know how it is. Anyway, what'd you do today? Let me guess. Fucking nothing."

Kenny snorts despite himself. He feels a little delirious, but damn if his sister didn't always crack him up. Kenny hears shuffling behind him. 

"This makes no fucking sense." Kyle says. "How are you alive? I thought we were all dead. I thought that was the point of us being here."

"I told you, dude. No way I'm dead. I'm fucking immortal."

"That's insane." Stan argues. 

"More insane than all of us being dead?"

Kyle twitches. "Yes! More insane than all of us being dead! Why is everyone dead but you? I mean, it's not like I want you to die or anything, you're a pretty cool kid, but how is this fair?"

"I told you, dude. I don't di-"

Kenny's sentence is cut short by a loud and sudden beeping. Karen looks startled, and a bunch of people come running into the room. Doctors and nurse begin fussing over Kenny, shouting things back and forth that Kenny can't even comprehend. Karen is shouting at them.

"What's going on?"

The doctors ignore her, rushing around, and the beeping intensifies. It's all a big blur of medical terms being tossed around. At one point Karen is pushed out of the room, and a tall doctor with copper hair shouts something about losing him. 

It's all very dramatic, and dizzying, and when it's finally all over, all Kenny can hear is a long, steady beep, the telltale sound of somebody flatlining. A sweet little song of farewell for the kid who died one too many times.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is this bad? I feel like I wrote this poorly. Give me your honest answers.


	7. Wading Into Uncertainty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd apologize for taking a hot minute to update, but I figure you're used to it by now.

They were in the woods again. Stan isn't exactly sure how they got back there, he doesn't remember leaving the awful hospital room, just knows that they're back in the woods. It's at least a couple hours later, and it should probably be dark by now, but it's still sunny out, which just feels wrong.

Kenny looks devastated, Stan can see that. It must have been rough. There's nothing he can think of that's worse than watching yourself die, not even when he saw his own body. He guesses that he and Kenny definitely got the worst of it, though. Kenny watched his own death and Stan watched his own funeral, cried over his own corpse.

Although, it really is tough for all of them. Nobody talks about it as they walk aimlessly. Stan figures that they don't really need to stick to a path. Whatever entity is laughing at them right now will eventually lead them to where they need to go.

Everyone is silent as they walk, apart from Kenny, who is sniffling periodically. Cartman doesn't even call him a pussy or anything, which seems like a very Cartman thing to do. Butters has a hand rubbing soothing circles on Kenny's back, and he looks guilty, as if it's his fault. Stan kind of understands the feeling. It was a very personal moment, his death, and Stan figures he feels like none of them should have been there. 

At some point, Kyle insists they stop to rest, and everyone agrees, even though none of them look like they actually need to rest. Stan figures they don't, probably. After all, they're dead. Still, Stan sits with his back to an old tree, leaning his head against it and resting his eyes, even though he's nowhere near tired.

The woods are oddly quiet, and it's only once they've been sitting in thick silence for a moment that he figures it's because he can't hear any animals or anything. No wind either. Just the four boys, all alone, in the oddly comforting forest. 

Stan looks over when Kyle sits beside him, letting his own head fall back against the tree trunk. He looks tired, but not in a physical sense, more like he's tired in his soul. "Hey."

"Hey." Stan says back, in a whisper to match Kyle's.

"This is-" Kyle exhales shakily, sparing a glance in Kenny's direction. "This is really weird, right? Well, obviously. But still, it's weird."

Stan nods. "Where do you think we're going this time? Like... where do you think we're walking."

"Shit, I dunno. I kinda don't wanna know. I feel really bad for Kenny. I feel really bad for everyone, I guess." He pauses. "Even Cartman."

"Yeah. He's an asshole, though."

Kyle sniggers, and it's the best Stan's felt in days, just watching his eyes light up. Has it even been more than a day? He can't be sure. Obviously, it's been more than a day, since a funeral take time to plan. But still, time was different here, wherever here was.

He almost jumps out of his skin when Kyle rests his head on his shoulder, looking queasy. "Sorry. I know this is kinda gay. But... fuck it, I'm dead. And also you're warm. I'm always cold."

"Yeah, dude. Me too." He assures him, trying not to move too much as he speaks. "It's fucking freezing."

"Do you think this is it?" Kyle asks after a beat. "Do you think this is the afterlife? Walking through the woods? With fucking Cartman?"

"I hope not." Stan says, letting his eyes fall closed again, even though he knows he's not going to sleep. He begins to think about it, in earnest. Maybe this is it. Maybe this is heaven or hell or whatever. Maybe this is all there is, glimpses of real life with these people he only just barely knows, with the redheaded boy leaning against him. Maybe that's all there is.

He thinks it could definitely be worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, but enjoy your dose of gay.

**Author's Note:**

> Just a bunch of bros, standing around in the dark with no memory and a random white light, casual guy things


End file.
